A friend of mine happened to post a rather interesting link on Facebook yesterday. The link was to an article entitled “Why I Don’t Date White Men”, and I have to admit, I knew where the post was going to go with the title so it took me some time to get around to reading it.When I did, I had to pause half way through the article. First and foremost I will not link the article in this post. I do understand that everyone has different beliefs and that they are entitled to their beliefs, but I refuse to give such drabble any traffic my own meager blog.
The article starts off by telling us about a seemingly pleasant exchange with a man that the author has encountered and states that similar encounters happened more than once. The author states that she thinks that he is flirting. Okay, that seems perfectly harmless. Until she throws the fact that the exchange is so peculiar to her because she is black and the man in question is white. Still, not too bad, there’s a first time for everything right? Well, as I’m sure you know where this going, the author informs us about her policy about dating white men. Or should I say, her policy of consciously not dating white men at all.
Now, as someone who happens to be biracial, with, you guessed it, black and white, I feel obligated to respond to this post. But don’t let my racial makeup fool you. My views are hardly influenced by my background and you will later see why. Now, in order to fully explain why I think this article is incredibly narrow minded and counterproductive to the author’s gripes with society (which admittedly, are valid but not on the scale that she makes it seem, hence why generalizations are often the first step to a broken argument), I will have to quote a portion of this post. The author states that;
“‘I’m Black by happenstance. I distance myself from what is conventionally (read, negatively) understood as Black. Everything I do, I do not as a Black person, but as an individual. I can and do happily blend in with the norm.’ Now we all know that whiteness predominates what defines the norm in our society. So when people elect to describe themselves as folks who ‘just happen to be black,’ it’s a deliberate signal to society that they are Black only to the extent that the have to be (visibly). They are saying that their Blackness is not the sort that rocks the boat — that in fact, their identity could be readily swiped with any other random (read white) person’s in the world. In so doing, these folks, however unintentionally, are diminishing the value of their Blackness”
There are a million and one things wrong with this statement, (In my humble opinion) most notably, the idea that “whiteness” is the norm in our society and that any black person who acts as though they just happen to be black is somehow diminishing their value as a black person. Knock knock, we are all human beings. Now maybe the world doesn’t work the way I think it does, but I’m pretty sure that the more you try to separate yourself from someone else, the more they do alienate you. I would honestly like someone to explain to me, how defining yourself as a black person, not as a person will help the norm change at all? What I do see it doing, is leading down a path of more blacksploitation films, songs, and media. I see it dividing the country and causing people who are not black to feel left out and different. And do you know what people do when they think that something is different? They lash out. In my opinion, the greatest way to change something and to make an impression on someone is to do it by having a constant influence and presence. If we take a show like The Bachelor, which could be called a very “white” (and I do hate using skin color to denote a certain mentality) show, and say “Instead of incorporating other races into the show, let’s make a black one, an Asian one, and a Hispanic one!” THAT DOES NOT FIX THE PROBLEM. What it does, is serve as a reason for people to become nasty, judgmental, and competitive.
Now, the second argument that I have issue with in this article is the idea that by dating a white man you are coddling his privilege. First of all, the idea that all white people are privileged in racist in itself. In an economy like the one we are in today, that argument won’t stand when it comes to economics. However, there’s social privilege, which I will grant is true in some cases. But do you really think that all white people even realize that they have some privilege if they have any? More importantly, the author ASSUMES that a white male would resist any kind of social political educational experience and because of this she BACKS DOWN from that challenge by saying: “I would be compelled to hold this man accountable to recognizing his white male privilege, while he would likely resist the discomfort of learning that his actions and words reinforce pernicious systems of oppression which oppress masses of people everywhere. So I err towards circumventing the tension by writing the possibility of dating white men out of the realm of possibility altogether.” Forgive me, but that sounds like a woman who is truly afraid of a challenge and the kind of person who will cry all day about injustice but do nothing about it. For an article posted on a website called feminspire the tuck tail and run strategy seems pretty uninspiring. And if anything, it perpetuates the idea that men are evil WHILE encouraging women to do nothing about it.
My mother is white and my father is black so I might not be as black as the author of that article thinks I’d be valuable as. However, I deal with a lot of injustice from both sides of the fence. Either I’m not black enough for many people or I’m “still black” for others. I disregard these comments because I am a humanist. I do however, see what happens when two races decide that they want to live independent of each other. Typically, both races will validate their racist beliefs because they feel that the other is so stuck up and wrapped up within themselves that they think they are better than the others. RIGHT OR WRONG THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. It will always happen. I am sorry but you can not guilt trip and entire race of people for something that happened over a century ago. You can try but it will not work. You need to be progressive not divisive. It’s fine if you aren’t attracted to someone, I’m not saying that we all need to get together and blend colors. What I am saying, is that people need to not have such a narrow minded view of the world because it does nothing but create even more issues. There are a million and one other issues that I have with the post but as I am pressed for time I end my rant here.Please feel free to comment or discuss this further with me. I’d love to see what others have to say.
I think I have changed my mind now, I will share the link so that my readers can see for themselves.
http://feminspire.com/why-i-dont-date-white-men/
The Hipster Complex 